i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
