trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
