If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
