I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
