Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
