We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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