in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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