we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
