Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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