Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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