I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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