whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
