Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
