you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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