I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
