omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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