On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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