can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
