make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
