If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
