i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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