when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
