Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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