My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
