we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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