How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
