lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
