help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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