my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it hurts more in the daytime
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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