Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
