She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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