It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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