I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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