We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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