As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
