is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
3pm strippers are depressing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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