I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
