I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
