You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
