I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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