Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
