I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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