she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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