i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
