So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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