I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
