I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
