There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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