who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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