I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she peed on how many people?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
