I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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