3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Randomize
