Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
