I love black thongs
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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