no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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