just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
