so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
