Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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