it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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