I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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