so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
