i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
