whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
