he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
