Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
