Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
