I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my being single is dangerous.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize