I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
