4 words: hood of his car
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
